It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon in New York. I’m sitting in a café putting together this week’s class music and writing SweatCITY! Monday… As I’m looking for the cool-down songs and thinking about the blog I’ve come across Tina Turner’s hit, What’s Love got to do with it?- “What’s love… but a second hand emotion? What’s love got to do, got to do with it? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”
The lyrics of the song got me thinking about what happened to me last night… Jessica and I watched the movie Out of Africa, it’s a ccraazzyy romance about love, loss and strength. The first time I watched the movie was after a dramatic real life break-up some seven years ago. At that time the movie made me feel better about my situation, it gave me peace.
Last night post love story drama-fest I found myself crying hysterically in Jessica’s arms. I guess watching it again after so many years opened up some wounds… It reminded me of how much pain I once felt, how much darkness I’d gone through, how much I’ve grown, and how that pain and darkness are still looming in the wings.
I’ve been thinking a lot today about why I cried so hard last night, what it all means? Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to – I don’t know what I think, I don’t know what it means… You know that awful saying, “What does not kill us makes us stronger?”
That break-up did not kill me… I’m still very much alive, my heart was never physically broken because it’s always kept beating. I’ve done everything in my power to erase the pain in my heart, but no matter how much I do in my career, no matter how much Jessica loves me, no matter how hard I RUN-AWAY from it… It’s still there, it still hurts. AHHHHHH!!!!!
Does it ever go away? I don’t know… What does that mean? I don’t think it means anything other than I got hurt.
As in Fitness, as in life, as in love… We can’t control or change what’s happened to us in the past. All we have control over is how we choose to react to it today. Life is a continuous journey of love, loss, and strength. Lovers beware: If you want to play the game of love it’s impossible to avoid getting hurt. Did you hear me, do you agree with me? Loss and pain are important parts of the journey. I feel like lots of people, ESPECIALLY the media, try to tell us it’s supposed to be easy…. That love shouldn’t hurt and if it starts to hurt then there’s something wrong with the relationship, that we should break-up.
But I don’t believe them… I refuse to believe them. Being in a relationship involves so many variables, it involves her, it involves me, it involves pain, joy, patience, passion, persistence, faith, tears, laughter… It’s a roller coaster; if it’s real it can be a bright beautiful sunshine or it can be a grey ugly thunder storm.
“Happily every after,” is wonderful in theory. It’s a lovely package they sell in Hollywood, it’s a quick fix diet, but it’s not the real deal. What’s real is right now, every second of every day of every week of every month of every year… That is life that’s what makes up a relationship.
So to answer Tina Turner’s question, What’s Love got to do with it? Love has everything to do with it… Fight for that LOVE in your heart, if you get hurt find a way to keep your love alive. The pain will slowly go away or transform into something else but never lose the love because when you lose the love in your heart you lose yourself. When you lose yourself you become a sad and angry person. That’s not you, that’s not who you were born to be.
I’ve found for myself that when I lose me, no million dollars, no size 2 jeans, no super model girlfriend can ever get me back. Yes it’s hard when it feels like your heart is broken into a thousands pieces but once you start finding the love again, once you start putting the pieces back together… You’ll find yourself again and realize that you can love again. Once you’ve loved and lost you will come to know that you can overcome anything. You will come to know that loving is living.
Sooo… What’s Love got to do with it?